Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabys go on and on; they never die, that's how you and I will be.

I am doing what I can to promote my business :)

Figured I'd share this here, since I haven't been on in a while...

I won't get into it, but I'm single again, and have been for 2 months now... turned out to be nothing but a head game from the recent attempt at a relationship. I dunno, maybe I give off some shit telling people to fuck with my head? Maybe my trusting nature and good heart are just easy targets for people that like to play games? Meh. It's not even worth it anymore, trying to have a relationship... too many women are only out to fuck with your head, and from what it seems, get revenge on the male species by attempting to destroy your world. *shakes head*
Yeah, I haven't written in quite a while, nor have I kept up with a blog in any way, but shit, I barely even sit at the computer anymore. It's become more of a hinderance than anything else, and that's sad, because I do have quite a few good friends on the net that I don't talk to as much as I should. I just can't sit here more than like 10 minutes at a time anymore. It's boring to me now. Never thought I'd say that, actually, but yeah... I'm bored of the net.
Who knows - maybe a week from now I'll be in a mood to be on here more... I dunno... but as of now, I'm done here for a while.
Laterz.

It's true, writing is therapeutic, and I've been slacking on it for quite a while.
I've written a few poems and maybe 3 or 4 blogs over at fubar.com over the past few months, but nothing at all like the blogs I used to post here. Too many phonies on that site. Too many people with bad intent and such.
I'm going to start here again, and hopefully be able to settle the remaining few inconsistencies I've still got floating around my psyche.
Recently, I've started talking to someone who's taken my heart and given it wings (kinda like emotional Redbull, yeah.)... she's been incredibly amazing in more ways than I thought I'd ever find someone. Don't get me wrong, she's not perfect, and she's dealing with her own things as well, but the connection we have - it's just something I didn't think I'd ever find. I'm starting to worry though, because my current situation makes it impossible for me to get to her, or be with her, any time soon... and she needs me. If it were up to me, I'd be down there already, but it seems that she's hesitant on telling me to come down there, because she wants to move out of her town as well, and I guess she thinks if I'm there, it will cause it to take longer for her to get out of there... *sighs*
I guess that's where I'm kinda stuck. I don't want to be far from my kids, but since Robby is out on his own already, and Gina is just about never able to be here with me, I've got to think about getting myself situated somewhere that I can get back into my career, as much as I can with my back the way it is. Living in this mosquito-fart town is eating the life away from me minute by minute, and I can't let that happen anymore. My girlfriend has a 10 year old son, and a 16 and a 19 year old daughter, so she understands my hesitance to leave. I just don't want her to think that I'm avoiding going down there for any other reason, and it's quite hard to prove that online...
I'm also starting another fight for Social Security - this will be my third attempt. I'm going to get one of the big law firms this time, because I've heard more successes through them than any other law firm or lawyer. If anyone that reads this has any advice they could offer, I'd appreciate it, because we all know, sadly, that it's not what's really wrong with you that gets you accepted, it's how good your lawyer is. Hopefully with the things I've got to deal with, and the better lawyer, I'll get accepted this time, and I can get myself back on my feet. I'd definitely rather work if given the chance, and had a job where they'd accomodate my disabilities, but I need to get to an area where travel isn't an issue. There's no buses or trains or even cabs here, at all. I'm a 45 minute drive from the closest town, and my car is shot. I've been stuck here for a long time, and I need to get the fuck out of here before it drives me completely loopy.
I've also began sending my resume out over the past few weeks, hoping that maybe I'd find something that covers re-location - many places do. I've gotten quite a few responses, and a few of them were pretty promising, but they all required travel. It's so frustrating to be in a catch 22 the way I am. I'll get out of it somehow though, and hopefully get myself into a position where I can be with my girlfriend, and we can start working toward our future, rather than trying to get out of our pasts.
I'll be making entries probably every day, because I've always been able to re-read what I write and get a better aspect on what I'm dealing with, and handle it much more easily. I also want to be able to go back and see the differences I've made from blog to blog, and even from the past on here when I was with my ex, getting driven to drinking and drugs *shakes head* Yeah, I was weak and not very strong-willed back then. *shrug* It happens.

On that note, I'm off like a prom dress.

It's been a while...

I've been spending most of my time on fubar - and I've got quite a bit of blogging done on there, but it's not as personal as I've gotten on here. I haven't had the inspiration to write for a long time, but recently, someone reminded me how much of myself I am still able to express verbally, and that my ability to do so is something I should take pride in... and I'm thankful for that, because writing blogs has always been something I enjoyed.
I guess after the incident with someone on here, and the break-up with my ex-fiancee, I'd been reclusive and withdrawn... not the "me" I like to be. I've met many people on there, and most of them are really awesome people... I'm glad I stuck with it, because a few weeks ago, I was ready to drop my account. Stupid me, fell for someone's bullshit again, and I got so angry with myself, I was ready to give up the whole thing.
I didn't want to give her that power. It is true, that the only power anyone has over you is your reaction, and instead of give her the pleasure of knowing what she did to me, I just stopped talking to her altogether.
She's doing it to a few other guys right now, and I've been tempted to warn them, but I've got my own things to deal with, that are way more important than some website drama shit. My son is in his own place now, and that's been stressful, knowing that he's really not ready to be on his own... my daughter is going to be 7 already, and not seeing her every day still kills me. I barely see her anymore. I'm lucky if it's once a month. My ex is extremely spiteful, and takes out her frustrations with me, through my daughter.
I've been contemplating moving back to NY, and just concentrating on my business for a while, to get away from the stresses and crazy-making shit that I've been around for too long... If I do, I'm not going to be able to see my daughter or my son much, since they both live out here in PA, and that's what's been keeping me from making the move.
I'm probably going to copy a few of my blogs from there, over to here, so people I know on here can catch up with me, and see what my brain's been doing all this time.
Hopefully, I'll get more motivation to write, and post here more often too...
I kinda miss this place. *blinks*

On that note, I'm out like a tooth in UFC.

laterz.

I'm still looking for a roommate or an apartment or something, somewhere around here in Northeast PA...

actually, I'm at the point where I'd move anywhere temporarily...

If anyone has an idea or a room or apartment or house to share, and doesn't mind a computer person moving in, let me know...

and...

Happy New Year and stuff...

 

Laterz.

anyone want a roommate?

or...

anyone renting out a room?

I'd like to stay in Northeastern PA if possible... so I can still see my kids...

*shrugs*

Thought I'd toss this out there and see if anyone's around... :/

life can really suck sometimes.
i don't even have enough time to explain... gotta get to work. yay.

after working for myself for 10 years, now i've gotta work a shitty

job with a boss and shitty pay...

owell.

i'm out.

laterz.

 

update:

My best friend in the world won't talk to me, thanks to a phone call

that I don't even remember ( i was drunk. yay me. i'm such an asshole.)

 

another update:

Found out my Grandmother died this morning... now I found out that

I can't even get out to NY to her funeral.

Can life get any worse?

Another post.

Something interesting? nope.

Just babble.

Same shit different day...

Still trying to get out of the hole I dug for myself.

Still lingering on the things and chances I've lost due to bad choices.

I hate being single... I never did the "single thing" very well...

Ok, enough babbling. Time for sleep, if I can drink myself into it... *sighs*

Hope everyone that still reads my blog here is doing ok... (yes, Emily, you're one of those people *grins*)

I'm out.

Laterz.